Hello Bookworms, when I started university fall of 2021, my workload significantly increased. I had already been following a tightly managed schedule; however, my reading lessened with the onslaught of new changes. This was, in reality, something I had expected, and it wasn’t hard on myself on my drop in books I’d complete. However, I definitely felt the consequences. I don’t read to satisfy a quantifiable goal or a specific purpose. It gives me the sort of joy and relaxation that I am confident cannot be attained in another manner.

So when I began reading less, these benefits I’d experienced, having reading as a part of my daily routine, were now missing. I wanted to talk about how we continue reading. It’s different for everyone, but the consistent act of being a reader is intriguing. It’s defined differently by everyone. However, we must all agree it’s someone who sees books as something special. Something more than just text compiled into a physical form usually.

This motivation. I believe it is a myth. If one labels it as motivation, I see that they don’t really want to read…if I’m being honest. And that is completely fine.

More and more reading has been popularized on social media, which isn’t bad. Still, just like anything, humans have tried to make everything revolve around productivity, efficiency and such when it shouldn’t be that, and least of all, reading. If you don’t want to read, it’s okay not to. This quote on quote motivation seems actually to kill our true desires. At least, that’s how I’ve felt. If I push myself to do something I love, simply because I love it, however, at that moment or period in time, I DO NOT WANT TO. There doesn’t have to be a reason. I was busier, but I could’ve made time, right? Can’t we all make time? In six months in which I didn’t read, other than academic texts and a few audiobooks (this was a big deal for me, as I would go through a book a day), I didn’t care to pick up a book. And if I forced myself, I wanted to earn less than when I picked it up.

We aren’t machines designed to be as efficient as possible all the time. Our brains are incredible, allowing us to break into this constantly overstimulated world. Cut yourself some slack. I see motivation as something that isn’t sustainable. In the short term, it’s like this boost of energy or adrenaline from an immediate goal. We need motivation; I would never deny that. I’ve relied on it countless times; many things aren’t that pleasant to complete. However, they must be done. But it isn’t possible to sustain them in the long term, for life.

I think this deep motivation, ambition for yourself and life, essentially comes from within. Maybe these external forces that try pressuring us to make it come faster, happen instantly, don’t help..at all? It’s almost like when you are about to do the dishes, and your mom coincidentally walks in the right as you begin, urging you to do just that. You think, well, now I don’t want to do it. I was going to before you came in. Now that you want me to, it no longer comes from within. It would be for you. Not for me. It feels similar to me. So where would this come from? Is motivation ever something that even comes from within? Did the first homo sapiens have this motivation? They led different, very different lives. Where most of the “motivation” centred around survival and mating. So is it an inherent motivation to live? So are humans meant to want to succeed? To fulfill what? Is this success due to capitalism? Something is instilled in us about productivity and success; however, it just means making more money, working more, and spending our life away. Then why does it make some so happy? and some so unhappy? What’s the correct answer?

Where lies the balance? If achieving that is even possible.

I wanted to tell a little story on a similar yet different note. One of the worst things someone had ever said to me was actually when I was in grade seven. A friend of mine called me selfish. It was one of the most hurtful things I had ever been told, and although they genuinely meant it in such an irrelevant and silly context, so absurd to even utilize the term. As someone who takes many things personally, I took it to heart.

I had always, and still do, hold myself in quite a high regard. I pride myself on my values, presenting myself, and consistently trying to do what’s right. That word. hurt. And it made me think about what it even meant to be selfish. As humans, I suppose we are inherently selfish. We have to be right? Probably in our genes to fight for our survival. Every man to themselves to a certain extent. Nonetheless, connection, community, kindness and generosity are observed throughout civilization. Some things can’t be explained scientifically. The way some are so selfless, so giving.

Maybe we are motivated because it comes from being selfish. A motivation to win, survive, beat someone, who, ourselves? For me, at least, all these ideas and thoughts can overwhelm me. Having this sense of doom’s not hard to get into a mini spiral. What am I meant to do? Someone tells me what to do, and I’ll follow it.

This idea is that, as people, we always have to do better. Always have to stay on top of…what exactly? I compete with nobody but myself, so practicing self-compassion is crucial. Allow yourself the freedom. Allow yourself the ability to be imperfect.

Another thought I’ve been…pondering for some time (what a funny word) is the idea that maybe being human is about our struggle to find happiness amongst all our problems. I don’t mean to be cynical about it, but the more we think about it, the more problems arise because we are littered with them. So being selfish, almost selfish to the point of ignorance, is that the answer? Is it every man for themselves? Should the behaviours of giving and taking always be in balance, is one meant to be on top? I find the struggle we all go through with finding this meaning and purpose in life, relating it to being connected versus isolated from others, this support we may or may not receive at points in our lives, so interesting.

So I’ve returned to where I’ve started; quite the expected pattern for my brain and me. Thomas Hobbes, a philosopher, proposed almost 400 years ago that self-interest is the most fundamental human motivation. I’ve read through this research paper and find it well-written and discusses what I’ve posed in a much better and more technical matter. Read through it if you would like!

We are the sum of all people we have ever met; you change the tribe, and the tribe changes you.

Dirk Wittenborn

This idea is something I’m slowly coming to love. It used to be an area of conflict within me, and it just caused distress and safety, my refusal to understand that we do meet people and connect with them, sometimes intensely, in different hues of our lives. And maybe it’s not so sad when they leave. Perhaps some part of them will never go, and we can take the good things about that interaction with us and apply them elsewhere.

I think it’s easy to be hurt by others when you are so true to yourself and expect others to be the same. It’s essential to distinguish that different people perceive this path to motivation, this idea of selfishness, differently. Being self-motivation versus selfishly motivated is genuine. And I now respect this; I don’t resent others for their chosen path; although I may disagree, I stay on my path and see that they’ve chosen their own. I can find my way, connect with those that chose to live their lives with similar morals as me and acknowledge those that don’t.

All in all, I’ve talked too much, but it’s my blog. So sue me. If I can’t bore someone’s ear off here, I’m a lost cause. The more we can respect ourselves, the more we will respect others and the world around us and live peacefully with our differences.

Our path to success, how we derive motivation, and how we look at the world is all through our own eyes. Understanding this, the idea that we each hold this right as a human to a different worldview, the less we will feel victimized when others don’t see things the way we do. It’s something I’m trying to get better at.

Thanks for reading.