Hello Bookworms, I am certainly no poetry expert; I would say I am an expert at nothing at all, even. But I do think I can say with certainty what this collection of poems lacked. And it was honesty.

I was looking forward to this read for a variety of reasons, some being out of the book’s control itself. Back in June, when I first picked up this book, the result of a forgotten hold having arrived at the library, as always _{(I have an issue with placing millions of holds…)}, I had been on a trajectory of underwhelming reads, and I feared they would continue through the end of 2025. Beyond that, the six books I had all rated one star that month held immense potential, and somewhere along the way, I would make the difficult revelation that they would never reach it. This left me quite desperate, holding this book in my hands, practically praying it wouldn’t let me down.

Genre: Nonfiction, Poetry, Memoir.

Rating:

⭐

Rating: 1 out of 5.

Publisher: March 11, 2025 by Gallery Books

Length: 240 pages, Hardcover.

summary:

Writer, director, and actor Avan Jogia delivers a bright and acidic poetry collection on fame, rage, love, and sadness. A biting postmortem of the modern age, for fans of Lana Del Rey and Atticus.

Avan Jogia grew up as a teen idol. He stumbled into the spotlight during the birth of the internet, the early days of Instagram and Twitter, before everyone online was a star. He spent his time in that spotlight writing, observing the cult of celebrity, the hilarity, the absurdity, and sometimes sinister side of being idolized before you’ve even had the chance to decide for yourself who you are.

Now, in his most revealing and honest work to date, he has assembled a book of poems as an act of self-dissection. Part boozy lovesick rage and part personal reflection on the nature of fame, Autopsy (of an Ex-Teen Heartthrob) is a sharp, tantalizing collection of poems examining Avan’s relationship with ego, idolatry, love as an act of worship, rage as an act of prayer, and sadness as confession.

Through vivid imagery (and sometimes startling honesty) Avan cuts himself open and observes the false gods he has worshipped, the ways he has sinned, and exhumes a version of himself that looks like someone we all know: a person searching for the means to cure pain, mend the wounds of insecurity, and satiate cravings for love. (Via Goodreads)

my thoughts

Uniqueness certainly exists in all of us. We are all here, living, thinking, breathing and creating. This uniqueness comes from us, not from what we know, but from what we don’t. A huge goal of mine is precisely this. To lean into the unknown, to pose more questions than I can answer, and share those questions with others around me. We all have such differing life experiences; our minds are incredibly diverse, plastic, and unique. Remaining curious is critical, both with ourselves and what’s around us. Which is why I felt there was none of that exuding from this book. My thoughts are all over the place with this book, so bare with me.

The actual quality of the poems in this collection is not incredible or top-tier. I understand that this is a publication by a teen star/famous person, so perhaps the criticism in this aspect shouldn’t take center stage. However, it should be noted that the poems are not life-changing, certainly not worthy of a teenage girl’s bedroom wall _{(I’m looking at myself in this remark, who used to do just that…)}. Beyond that, the depth of the collection itself spans Jogia’s personal life, celebrity struggles and a bit of romance here and there. It’s tough to connect with his words, not only because I am not a celebrity, but because I don’t understand the struggles of waiting in line to audition, and then having sex with another celebrity. Frankly, he doesn’t even try to explain. If he did, maybe, just maybe, I would.

Now, for what truly bothered me, which is the lack of depth and honesty in the collection. This is true of almost all celebrity novels, memoirs, poetry collections, and other works they release. I promise I’m not only a hater; I have enjoyed celebrity novels in the past. All I’m saying is that it’s a rarity. Having significance in your name is a great privilege. The knowledge that anything you could produce will be supported, purchased, and discussed. What infuriates me is when this privilege is wasted!

All that us normies desire is some acceptable writing, mixed in with lots of drama! Please, I beg, do not circumvent the details, and provide me with some filler nonsense to appease me. Especially, in acknowledging an experience like the one Avan certainly had in his life, one that was derailed multiple times. One that must have been immensely difficult, as he discusses. Regardless, he consistently stops short of ever going beyond the fluff and incomprehensible analogies and leaves me…literally on my knees at this point. He takes the safe route over and over again, and ultimately, he doesn’t do his story justice.

And that’s a shame, as his story is only one that he can tell, and only one that he knows. He discusses feeling trapped, confined to boxes, uncertain, and changed by his environments. I wish he delved into the reality beyond these emotions and how they’ve impacted him in his life. Whether positively or not. I hoped this collection of poems would feel like a conversation, rather than a weird, unprepared lecture. This was such a powerful opportunity to explore the perils of fame. Fame is incredibly captivating to those who don’t have it, and Jogia only briefly mentions that he sometimes wishes his life remained ordinary, and forced him into moments he would never have agreed to. These are themes worth examining and discussing.

I have found myself thinking sometimes, ‘Would fame feel good? Would it be nice?’ But only if I could control it, manipulate it to my advantage, and only if fame was truly there because of my accomplishments, or my career. However, the truth is that fame is something that nobody can control. The masses may seem to operate in unison, but often it feels like there are too many watching, and only disaster tends to ensue. Being watched is something I do not envy at all.

Not to insert a science reference here, but I was reading a paper the other day, here for all those curious, and came across a quote I think perfectly applies here. The authors discussed how categorization of things is explored in sociology, along with its relationship to the constraints of ideas and thinking. They quoted “categorization spawns expectations”, in naturally creating established classes for everything we name, which implies something to be expected. I think Jogia has fallen to a similar issue. When I hear poetry, I expect poetry. When I hear a celebrity’s poetry book, I wish for (not something too great), but something different, something with a voice that hasn’t been heard, hasn’t been allowed to speak.

So, that is all I had wished for in this collection, and it unfortunately fell relatively short. And I am still searching for poetry I will love, so please leave your recommendations below.

about the author

Avan Tudor Jogia is a Canadian actor, singer, author and director. He first received recognition for portraying Danny Araujo in the television film A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story (Via Wikipedia).

Thanks for reading!